


Forever and Always Don't Exist, But For Now, Let's Pretend They Do

by inanis_mortem



Category: ACCA13区監察課 | ACCA 13-ku Kansatsuka
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Nightmares, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 22:59:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12994377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inanis_mortem/pseuds/inanis_mortem





	Forever and Always Don't Exist, But For Now, Let's Pretend They Do

Jean wakes up with a start, his arms flailing, grabbing at nothing. There’s panic as his sleep addled brain doesn’t quite register that he’s awake and no longer trapped in the nightmare.

 

His hands scrabble for his bedside table desperately and as he blinks rapidly, trying to even out his breaths. 

 

His hand brushes against the sleek surface of his phone and he snatched it up, turning it on. The brightness of his phone’s screen makes him flinch violently but he blinks away the black spots, his fingers dancing almost desperately down his list of contacts automatically. 

 

He presses call without a second thought, clasping his head with his other hand while he shuts his eyes and counts to ten, listening to the phone ring once. Twice. Three times. 

 

Jean barely hears the monotonous voice informing him that the person he's calling isn't currently available. He wants to call again because he doesn’t want to wake up Lotta, but he  _ needs _ to talk to someone.

 

Before he can make a decision, his phone buzzes and a contact flashes across the screen.

 

“Jean?” Nino’s voice sounds wrecked, deep voice reverberating through the phone and Jean can hear him stumbling around, a soft curse muttered under his breath as something crashes to the floor.. “Sorry, couldn't find my phone.”

 

“Nino.” Jean can't control the tremble that sneaks in at the end of his greeting. “I-” He cuts himself off, trying to formulate his next sentences before Nino speaks up again.

 

“Same nightmare?” He sounds a little more awake now, tone alert and attentive. When Jean stays silent, he continues. “I’ll be over in a bit. Unlock the door, alright?”

 

Jean knows he should say no, it's late and they both have work tomorrow. It's an inconvenient hour and it's for silly reasons. 

 

Still, “Okay,” is all he can whisper in response and long after Nino has hung up, he stares off into the darkness, counting to ten again as the nightmare comes rushing back. 

* * *

He's still on a daze when he unlocks the door and slides down the wall next to it, huddling into a ball as he waits, staring at the neon numbers on the clock.

 

3:27am. 

 

It feels like it takes an eternity until it changes to 3:28.

 

_ One, two, three, four… _

 

He starts counting again.

* * *

When Nino slips in at 3:53, Jean’s lost count too many times, starting over and over again.

 

“Hey,” Nino murmurs, crouching in front of Jean, eyes rimmed red from lack of sleep, eye bags prominent even in the faint light the moon provides. 

 

Jean reaches out wordlessly and Nino draws him into an embrace without saying anything else. Jean relaxes by a fraction, tension bleeding out of his shoulders and he clings onto Nino likes they haven't seen each other in forever. 

 

Nino rubs Jean’s back, whispering into Jean’s ear.  “I'm right here,” Nino says, and Jean only tightens his grip. 

 

_ I know _ gets stuck in the back of his throat and he only lowers his chin until he's tucked his head into Nino’s shoulder.

* * *

Nino reaches over to rebutton Jean’s shirt, smiling a little at the lopsided way Jean’s carelessly thrown on his new set of pyjamas. They've settled onto the couch, Jean unconsciously leaning into Nino, curling up against him as they sit, curtains drawn, blocking most of the moonlight save for the sliver that peeks through the small gap. 

 

“You want to talk about it?” Nino offers, pressing a kiss to the top of Jean’s head, hands sifting through the still damp hair, gently unknotting any tangles his fingers catch onto. 

 

Jean shakes his head, his own hands twisting into Nino’s shirt, drawing his feet under the blanket they're sharing. 

 

“That's fine.” Nino doesn't take any offence to Jean’s silence, leaning over to fish a couple of CDs from the box. “Movie?” 

 

Jean shrugs, pressing his face into Nino’s chest, his anxiousness just starting to subside as he sinks into the safety that is Nino.

 

“I just… I just don't want to sleep tonight.” His words are muffled, the reply barely audible but Nino seems to understand. 

 

“That's fine. You want to pick?” Nino holds out three disks and Jean points at one without really looking, too unfocused to think of anything else. 

 

Nino leaves momentarily to set up the tv and as soon as he gets back, Jean’s instantly latching back onto him, untensing when Nino pulls him closer. 

 

“Hey.” Nino stares right into Jean’s eyes, squeezing Jean’s hand reassuringly. “I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere.” 

 

Jean attempts a smile, but it's shaky and hollow. 

 

“That's what I'm trying to tell myself.” 

* * *

The tv’s still muted, playing quietly in the background when Nino pulls back the curtains just as dawn breaks. The sky bleeds with colours as the sun creeps over the horizon and Nino coaxes Jean to come stand with him. 

 

Jean’s exhausted, eyes barely open as he stares at the sunrise, blinking blearily, struggling to stay awake as his eyes flutter shut again and again, snapping open just before he slips off into the realm of nightmares. 

 

“Beautiful, isn't it?” Jean squints, trying to suppress the yawn that rips itself from his mouth as Nino asks the question.

 

“It hurts my eyes.” Jean winces when his voice cracks but Nino’s glad. That's the second thing he's said to Nino ever since they sat down, but he's talking. 

 

“Always complaining,” Nino laughs, leading Jean back to the couch before flipping down, dragging Jean down with him. “No appreciation for such a great phenomenon.”

 

Jean blinks slowly, yawning again, shivering before Nino pulls a blanket over them, yawning as well. 

 

“Aren't you tired?” Nino murmurs, hugging Jean to his chest as they shift, trying to find a comfortable position. After a couple of accidental elbows and knees connecting in painful places, they're in a somewhat awkward but tolerable position. 

 

Jean sighs, nodding slowly as his eyes slide shut again.

 

“You should sleep a little at the very least.” Jean shakes his head quickly.

 

Nino slips his fingers into Jean’s hair, massaging Jean’s scalp gently.

 

“Hey,” he tells Jean, kissing Jean’s forehead. “I'm right here. I'll be here when you wake up. I promise.” 

 

Bright blue eyes, swirling with fear stare at him, Jean’s face pale, his jaw tense. 

 

“Promise?” he croaks out, aware of how childish he sounds at the moment.

 

“Pinky promise.” Nino manages to extricate a hand without hitting Jean and hooks his pinky with Jean’s.

 

Jean opens and closes his mouth, hesitating before he speaks. “It's always the same.” He's shaking as he talks, clutching Nino’s hand like a lifeline. “There's always blood. There's always, your blood, everywhere.” His voice is choppy and rough, high with terror. “You're dead. And then not there anymore. Gone.”

 

Nino knows what he's dreaming about. Him taking the bullets for Jean during the attempted assassination of Jean has always been something he's sure has stayed with Jean. 

 

“I didn't die. I didn't go anywhere. I'm still here,” Nino reminds him. “And I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. We've got lots to do together.” 

 

Jean releases Nino’s hand, an almost strangled sob escaping his mouth.

 

“I can still feel your blood on my hands sometimes,” he chokes out. 

 

Nino blinks before he feels the overwhelming guilt spilling off of Jean in waves. 

 

“Jean, it wasn't your fault. I don't blame you. I made that decision to take those bullets, remember?” Hiccups are starting to spill from Jean’s lips, tears pooling in the corner of his eyes. “Don't blame yourself.”

 

Jean buries his face into Nino’s chest, almost silent, body wracking sobs tearing through him. 

 

“It's not your fault,” Nino repeats when Jean starts to calm down. “And I'm not going anywhere.” 

 

Jean’s tear stained face is still pressed into his chest.

 

“I know.” 

 

“I’ll always be here, at your side forever.” Jean manages a snort, untangling his arms from Nino’s shirt, his ragged breaths still coming.

 

“Always and forever-”

 

“Don't exist. I know,” Nino groans. “But stop being a pessimist and just believe it does, just for a bit. Just a bit.”

 

Jean smiles again, this one stronger, less fake. “I suppose I can do that.”

 

Jean melts into Nino, eyes opening and shutting a couple of times before his breaths become even, face still knit with worry. Nino intertwines their hands together before shutting his eyes.

 

When they wake up, Nino notices with some satisfaction, that Jean’s eye bags seem just a bit lighter.


End file.
